did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
