Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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