just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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