If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
