Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
