I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
