THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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