the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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