my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
