So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
