well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
