So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
