quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
