His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
