we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
