Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
