real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
