It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
