Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
