you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
