i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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