she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
