So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
