i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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