it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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