I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
