i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
