No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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