So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
