I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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