i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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