Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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