The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My balls are so social today.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
