ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
