I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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