and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
