and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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