So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
