Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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