Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
