I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
