i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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