well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
