Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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