the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
