i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
