If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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