She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
