she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
