Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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